Being creative

So been noticing a lot of T-shirts for the little ones with lots of bead detailing on them and a nice price tag to match, so I bought the mini blot a few pretty T-shirts and I've been blinging them up today.

The mini one loves them so I'm happy, please let me know what you think too :-)

Why I'm always on the fence.............

Recent twitter discussion in the wake of a terrible shooting incident made my mind do this:  (I'm not in control of where my mind takes me sometimes and it often takes me on these little journeys)


She's 29, she has a happy life, loves her husband Frank and her little boy Jeremy.  Last week Frank gave her one of those tiny handguns for her purse for safety, she doesn't like it but he begs her to carry it for his peace of mind.  She's hurrying home today, she just made promotion at work and she can't wait to get home and share her joyous news with Frank, before they collect their son and go out to dinner.  She's called the restaurant in advance, they have champagne on ice.......................

So eager to get home she decides not to wait for the bus but take a route through the park, it'll probably take the same amount of time but it's a beautiful park.  Breathing in lung fulls of fresh air and looking in awe at the flowers and trees wondering why she'd never really appreciated their stunning perfection before, when suddenly she feels herself being dragged backwards, something bigger & stronger than her has her in the undergrowth and, before it even occurs to her to usher a scream his hand is on her mouth she feels a searing pain as he punches her in the stomach. Winded and terrified she kicks frantically as he tears at her clothes, he's stopped beating on her now and she realises he is fiddling with his trousers in this moment of weird calm she notices her handbag is within reaching distance of her hand and somehow manages to slide her fingers into it and hook them around the gun, just as he is about to reach his goal of penetration she reaches up and shoots him in the head..........................her ordeal is over.   She's a little late home that evening and Frank seemed worried before he even clapped eyes on her when she walked through the door.  He is there for her and she doesn't know how she would get through if she didn't have him.


MEANWHILE IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE

She is so eager to get home and notices that she can see the bus in the distance and decides to wait for it to come instead of walking through the park.  The journey only takes a few minutes and she is excitedly planning on how she is going to tell Frank her good news, after a short deliberation she decides she's just gonna blurt it out and jump in his arms and can already feel the overwhelming love she is going to share with him.  She's rushing down the path with only the front door in her sights, quickly using her keys to open the door and running straight into the living room she finds Frank, who is being straddled by a woman.  So enthralled are they in their activities that neither of them see her stood there.  With her hand in her purse slowly releasing her keys from her grip, her finger brushes on something cold and hard and as a red mist descends and a rush of pure anger takes a momentary grip on her, she grasps the gun and shoots them both.   Her ordeal has just begun........................

It's hard to say goodbye.........

Recently a dear friend of mine suffered a terrible loss and discussing a vision of his late mother it brought to mind a memory of something unexplainable that helped me through a difficult time.

During my mothers illness my grandparents took charge of me and I continued to live with them until the last of their days.  My beloved grandad (who was an avid pigeon racer in his healthier retirement days) died after a brief battle with cancer.  The day after he passed, a pigeon appeared sitting on the awning looking into our front door, we joked that it was grandad come to see if we were all okay (as we had joked during his lifetime that had he the choice, he would be a pigeon) and although it wasn't there everyday it was there more often than not.  Less than a year later my grandmother passed peacefully in her sleep (her closest friend believed she had died from a broken heart, so hard had she found it to live without him) and we noticed that the pigeon had disappeared.  To sooth our pain we made up stories (but not really believing) that the pigeon was indeed grandad and he was looking for his beloved wife.

The day after my grandmothers funeral, 2 pigeons appeared huddled together on the very spot our visitor had occupied for the last 10 months, they stayed with us for 2 weeks before they finally left us for good and we no longer were disbelieving of their origins and intentions.

The environment and my rebellious streak

Over the last few years it is well documented (in my blog and twitterings) that my little family suffered some financial hardships.  During this time I became extremely aware of the price of everything and not only how precious my money is but also my family's well being.

Instead of taking the easy unhealthy cheap frozen chicken nugget & chips route (bleugh disgusting) I decided to try to think like a post war housewife (my grandmother) and use ingredients which may be cheap but tastier and, it goes without saying, healthier. 

Prior to this our monthly habits were shameful as well as wasteful, at this time we would do a large monthly shop from Asda.  The first stage of this insane monthly ritual was to 'empty' the fridge.  On average 2 carrier bags of wasted food would be thrown away amidst mumblings of 'I forgot that was in there' and 'why the hell did we buy this'.

Over the past few years (more so recently) I have learnt to shop 'properly' at first as a necessity but now it feels more like a matter of pride.  My fridge often looks empty these days, because now I only buy what we need and not what looks good on the shelf.  We changed to shopping at our more local smaller Morrisons and shop as and when we need it.  I still have a good stock of tins/spices/herbs etc and there are always plenty biscuits for the sweet tooth monsters but nothing goes out of date in my house and nothing gets wasted.

A typical example of waste was Sunday lunch, preparing most of the veg and cooking it, far too much for what was needed which would be thrown away the next day and if we remembered a quick curry made out of the left over chicken.  I always make too much batter mix so this would be cooked and inevitably thrown away.  Any extra veg (an odd carrot or parsnip) would be left in the fridge until 'big shop' day when it would be thrown away.  Since I've changed my habits this is now what happens:

I still buy the same amount of Veg but these days I use it wisely, I prepare just enough for us to have for lunch, but the next day I make either a soup, stew or just roasting it as an accompaniment getting inventive with flavourings and writing down any particularly tasty ones for future reference.  I stopped being afraid of using the right vegetable for the right thing, if you like Cauliflower then stick it in your stew or even roast it you never know what might happen, it's an adventure.  I still make too much batter, because I have a set recipe I follow which makes HUGE puddings, now though I make enough for our meal plus a few extra, if there are any left over i wrap loosely in cling film and freeze.  The left over batter goes in the fridge and the next day I give it a quick whisk up and we have pancakes (much to the delight of my little girl).

The best feeling about all of this is I am in control, as well as a sense of pride I also have a feeling of rebelling against fast food producers who are, frankly, slowly poisoning our nation for profit.

I have so much to share on this subject (not only for food) but I also have so many questions and I'm learning everyday.

Reading back this blog I realise that I sound like some preachy little old lady, I'm just a little bit passionate this subject.

aaaaand reeeellax.........

I have a new job, my house is in order and I feel like a new woman!!!

I was full of blog ideas and 7am but now sat at my desk on my lunch break they all seem to have alluded me

:-)

Oh No you didn't

So my next door neighbour decides to knock on my door this afternoon and start yelling and ranting at me about how much room he has to park, join the club mate.  I was all ready to compromise to his suggestions when he literally said to me "I've told you once, now I've told you twice if I have to.......SLAM no one talks to me like that.  He was literally foaming at the mouth, a trait I recognise from my ex-husband, a bully and I am just not dealing with it, got enough on my plate.  So gonna park at the other side of the street because I really don't bloody care if I have to walk an extra few feet to my door.  May have a few late night raves this weekend though :-)

In other news, my mam kindly looked after my poorly girl this afternoon for me as she is still getting over being ill and I had to work.  After a few hours they took a little walk out but had to get the bus back as they were both too tired to walk home.  The bus driver drove so badly that he knocked my mam on to her knees and then onto her back at the same time Kayla was flung from her seat and onto the floor.  Then he did it again when they came to get off the bus, so after giving the driver a piece of her mind (worst part is he didn't even realise what he'd done) she called the bus company who were very nice and are promising to deal with it..................watch this space for more news on that!

All in all a very eventful day :-O

Typing in the dark....................................

I would find it easy to say my 'life is shit' at this time, or FML as the cool kids are saying these days (is it still cool to say cool?) But it's not shit, my life that is. It is the hardest time I've ever had to live through (barring last year when mum decided to contract septicemia and slip into a coma).  It would be funny if it wasn't so bloody tragic, my baby girl is suffering with stomach pains that I can't seem to help with (useless mammy) but she spends all her time snuggled up to me wanting cuddles (awww) every bit of news we get is bad news and just when we think we've got it sussed...... well do we ever have anything sussed really?

So on the whole life is good, difficult but good nonetheless.

My search for work continues .. and in the words of Forest Gump 'that's all I have to say about that'.

I have an idea for a sitcom in my head, not (you'll be glad to hear) based on my life (cause that's shit lol) but based on what I want to see in a sitcom.... but would one write something like this as a script or a story and how is it structured?  Too many questions, so I guess my idea will probably stay in my head because I have no idea how to get out of there and onto paper.  It's always been my dream to write but especially comedy.

There are so many things I want to do but feel like I have been solvitoled to a wall , not on one of those comfy chairs either but in one of those wedgey inducing jumpsuits.

It is with wonder I think upon you now,
how did you live in that time and space,
some of the things we find hard, to you were a blessing
I miss you my grandparents, I miss you, no messing :-)

Eat your heart out Pam Ayres lol

I joined twitter a couple of months back and I have to say I'm loving it, I've made some amazing friends who without knowing it have helped me through some pretty dark times, so if any of you beautiful people (and you know who you are) are reading this now, Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Well this was a pretty messy blog tonight, but I can't sleep so maybe now I've offloaded I will.

I apologise for the profusive use of the word 'shit' and the overuse of (brakets)!

A bad day for the world ......

Woke up to the news of 22 children & 6 adults killed in horrific and unexplained bus crash in Switzerland, my brain is struggling to comprehend how a parent could cope with such devastating news, without spontaniously combusting.  Keep grabbing hold of my own little one and cuddling her, lucky for me she's a cuddly child otherwise Mummy may have been put on the naughty list today.

I've spent today sorting Kayla's old clothes to sell on ebay to help raise a few funds, I say old they're hardly used.  But have spent the day counting my every blessings at how lucky I am, nothing else seems as important right now.

I've decided to shame myself into loosing weight.  the plan is to take a picture of my tummy, which still looks about 7 months pregnant and posting it on Twitter and Facebook thus creating a shame to try and force myself into taking action.  Problem with me is I don't FEEL fat, I don't SEE a fat person in the mirror (I'm like a anorexic in reverse) and yet I can't fit into the clothes and photographs of myself shock the hell out of me, so if I see it there on a pic and know everyone else can see it too, maybe I can force myself to get rid of it..........EXCERISE IS THE KEY HERE.  I did start walking to work *fast* but I've hurt the backs of my legs as I hadn't stretched properly, yes I'm that unfit that I need to stretch before a simple 1/2 mile walk!  Don't misunderstand I'm in no way lazy, this is the bit that gets me, I never stop moving. Sometimes I go to bed and my legs still want to move so much I can't sleep for it............but obviously it's not proper exercise so it's not having the desired affect.

Need a good laugh and a few wines with the girls.

Living on the edge...................

..................financially speaking.  Tony has a new job hurrah! no more unsociable hours and being absent from the family home for what feels like days on end.  No more getting in at 4am and starting work at 6am the same morning!  Saturday nights out, lazy Sundays with the family and generally a better quality of life.

Unfortunately as we usually live hand to mouth anyway and we have just had to pay the last off our first proper family holiday, the old place messing about with pay owed and the new one expecting 3 weeks in hand...............well let's just say things are a bit tricky here at the moment.

Since Kayla is now in full time school it's time for me to step up and fill the void so that we can have an overall better lifestyle, torn between motherhood and career is most unpleasant so I've opted for working part time doing what I'm good at and waving bye bye to a career I worked my ass off to obtain.  Don't get me wrong this whole career thing holds no meaning for me anymore not since I gave birth, and it's a good job cause employees seem to think ladies with young children are the lepers of the working community.  Anyway thanks to the unelected condem government bringing our beautiful country to it's knees there doesn't seem to be any part time work out there to be had and I can't sacrifice the time I have with my little girl to work full time it would hurt both of us.

Also please don't misunderstand I am by no means a stay at home mother (that would be a dream) I do have a job working 10 hours a week and I care for mother, when she lets me!

So determined are we to get from this point to a financially brighter one without borrowing money from anyone that we go from a strange happy euphoric to dark depression

My First Blog

Well hello Ether my name's Jayne and this is my blog which I expect will only be read by you!

Mmmm where to start, well seeing as I seemed to have crashed the "about me" section of this blog I might as well put a little bit about myself here.

I have a Daughter, a Boyfriend, a Mother, an Aunt, a Dad  a close friend and an Ex-husband and that's it, I seem to collect things in 1's well what's the point in doubling up?  I should also add that I have a HUGE adopted family which came with my boyfriend but they're his not mine!

At the moment we are skint, like proper count every single penny type skint and have been this way since I fell pregnant then found out I was redundant, it's great being home with my little girl but now she's at school and I can actually fit in work there is no work to be had! Thank you Mr Cameron for taking this country back in time.  Anyways life's still fab I have everything I need it just makes shopping take a lot longer, making meals a bit more inventive and a bit embarrassing when it comes to socialising but we have our health and we love each other so none of that other stuff matters much.

My mother is a cat...............for real!!! she has 6 of her 9 lives left.  I have been witness to the awesome medical miracle that is my Mother! She was diagnosed as terminally ill when I was 8 (30 years ago) and she has made it to St. Peters gates twice.  When you find your soulmate and it turns out to be your mother well what more can I say, I am in awe x

Well the cuddle monster that is my daughter is whinging for cuddles again, so I think I'll leave off here as I don't want to miss out on a single 1.

I'll pop back another day Ether and bore you some more :-)